monkeypantz

One of my favorite bands, The Fixx, sums it with

I'm life watching I think I can
Measure the flow I could swim that river
I'm fast breeding I think I have
No cruise control I can't stop the spiral
I'm life...
I'm sand, wave blown in the air
I come down in raindrop
Time passing I think I know we'll meet again
We can climb the mountain
I'm life...

Yeah...i'm 41 today. I don't feel like i'm 41. and just how should 41 feel? i don't know. i don't know if i want to know, because whatever it is, i don't feel it. what i generally feel i can not define. i can not compartmentalize. although i can look at my family and know that i love them completely and they love me completely. outside of that everything is just a jumble of feelings, thoughts, and emotions.

not that i'm confused. quite the opposite. i guess i just don't want to have to take everything and separate it so that it all so neatly fits into it's own little place. that's not how life is. life is more a gelatinous glob that is constantly changing shape, molding itself around you to fit your current state.

but what the Cy Curnin sang is true, you have no cruise control and you can't stop the spiral. and in the same breath i CAN climb that mountain!

i'm life...even at 41.